“In order to live a new wellness paradigm, we must have novel language to guide the journey.”

— Dr. Mario Martinez

We learn some of our most useful lessons under turbulent conditions. These lessons can start when the predominant cultural narratives of our day interrupt our growth as people. In this extraordinary year of 2020, we must all decide which cultural narratives to defy and which to gracefully assimilate into our hearts, minds and bodies.

Here are some common cultural narratives from 2020 we may want to confront and release. Do you recognize any of them?

I’m too weak and vulnerable to heal myself and be healthy.
I’m not smart [or brazen or tough] enough to use my voice.
If I express my anger, I’ll hurt someone.
I’ll never get along with [this or that] group of people.
I’ll break if I express my intense personal power.

HOW WORTHY DO YOU FEEL?

Before we can defy a narrative, we have to feel worthy of defying. We can defy cultural narratives using something neuropsychologist Dr. Mario Martinez calls “valuation mindfulness.” Here’s how it works: We quiet ourselves as for a mindfulness meditation. We then embody an early memory of being deeply valued by another person. Then, in our minds and bodies, we face and defy the cultural narrative we want to overturn, using imagery. We note our physical sensations as we envision the images and see ourselves defying the narrative. After this exercise, we remember the felt, physical sense of being valued and defy the narrative as a new practice in real life.

HOW TO PERFORM THIS MINDFULNESS PRACTICE

Choose the cultural narrative you do not want. Perhaps it is, “I’m not smart [or brazen or tough] enough to use my voice.”
Sit in a quiet place, in a comfortable chair with a solid back. (Sensing that your back is protected is the code for embodied safety, according to Dr. Martinez.)
Close your eyes and begin to relax. Witness your breathing as if you were watching a film. Do not interfere with the rhythm; simply be aware of your breathing pattern.
Bring to mind someone who confirmed your worthiness with an act of kindness or generosity, someone who recognized that you are special. Perhaps as a young child you had just moved to a new town, and a neighborhood kid befriended you.
Experience what you feel from this empowering memory. Remember where and how you had this experience. Savor the memory.
Bring to mind the cultural narrative you are releasing and commit to changing that aspect of your life. Maybe you want to address, “I’m not smart [or brazen or tough] enough to use my voice,” by saying, “It is my birthright to express myself, no matter my condition.” Notice how your body responds to your defiance. Simply observe whatever surfaces and let it pass.
Come back to regular awareness.

TAKE CONSCIOUS ACTION

Anytime you try to change but find resistance, from yourself or others, embody the experience of validation. Do whatever you consider self-loving to implement change. In this example, perhaps you speak up at least once in your next team meeting. Allow others to not like your decision. They may not be ready to change when you are. Ignore admonitions like, “Get to the point. We don’t have time for lengthy explanations.”

Notice how your body responds to your defiance. Simply observe whatever surfaces and let it pass. Know that you are regaining your dignity.

FINDING FREEDOM IN WORTHY DEFIANCE

You can use this same exercise for any other act of worthy defiance. For example, use it if you feel you’re too wounded to fall in love again, too old to go back to college or too set in your ways to learn a new language. Find the narrative which is limiting you, and stand up to it. When we defy malevolence and falsehood, again and again, we find our freedom.