Have no fear
For when I'm alone
I'll be better off than I was before
I've got this light
I'll be around to grow
Who I was before
I cannot recall
Long nights allow me to feel...
I'm falling...I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I'm falling
I am falling safely to the ground
I'll take this soul that's inside me now
Like a brand new friend
I'll forever know
I've got this light
And the will to show
I will always be better than before
Long nights allow me to feel...
I'm falling...I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I'm falling
I am falling safely to the ground
— Eddie Vedder, Long Nights

Recently, I’ve held a bunch of Enneagram Workshops for individuals and teams. Personality is a hot topic at a lot of organizations these days. Perhaps yours, too? The debate continues about the ethics and effectiveness of using personality assessments in the workplace. You can read here and here and listen here for some interesting discussions. Yet the curiosity remains.

The Enneagram is an ancient tool. Some believe it can be traced back to a desert Christian monk, Evagrius Ponticus, who lived in 4th century Alexandria. It can be seen in medieval Islamic (Sufi) sources. Today, the Enneagram is widely promoted in both business and spiritual arenas. In business contexts, it is generally used as a typology to gain insights into workplace interpersonal dynamics; in spirituality, it is more commonly presented as a path to higher states of being and enlightenment. As coaches, we appreciate that the Enneagram leads to self-awareness, self-understanding and self-development in both contexts.

What’s unique about the Enneagram amongst other personality systems is the mapping of an adult developmental pathway for each personality type. As we move up the pathway, we gain greater access to our essential nature—this makes us clearer, more free, grounded and emotionally available. As we move down the pathway, we become buried under our own self-made defenses—this makes us more anxious, resistant, reactive, emotionally volatile and less free.

If we drop to a certain level in our personality type, we will sense a red flag alerting us that the stakes of our development are ramping up to serious proportions. If we don’t pay attention and change our trajectory, we will drop down even further into very unhealthy levels and need professional support.

A red flag is a blessing.

Some years ago, my red flag started waving. Six years into an unhealthy marriage, I developed a profound sense of alarm that I had no personal power and was on the path to ruining my life. As an Enneatype Four, I experienced great emotional instability. I could feel the pull of depression and I became increasingly alienated from myself and others. Things got so bad that I began to feel unworthy of the very air I was breathing.

By facing my red flag, I began a lifelong journey to be present with my personal truth—and to help others become present to theirs. I remember vowing to honor my belonging on this planet. I intentionally stepped out of my isolation and opened my heart and mind just enough to receive the compassionate support of a therapist. Week after week, we sat together in his Connecticut Avenue office. I brought complete vulnerability to our sessions. No hiding. No defenses. Thanks to his expert inquiry and caring presence, I softened enough to witness my own dignity. Near the end of our time together, I finally felt like I deserved to walk this planet. From this place of belonging, my true self felt safe enough to peek out.

It was around this time that the Enneagram came into my life. I studied the unique ways that I, as an Enneagram Four personality type, hid from danger—real or perceived—since I was a young child. Later, I worked with an Integral Coach who leveraged the Enneagram to help me see a newer, healthier way of orienting myself to danger. She showed me a way that would serve me much better as my adult self. To do so, I needed to let go of my old, childish way. To do so, I needed to imagine, to experiment, to trust in a new way of being.

Today, I use the Enneagram to continue my self-development and I leverage the tool with all of my clients. I have the great privilege of experiencing the wisdom of the Enneagram time and time again.

Breaking down, falling apart, letting go, setting free. These are the early steps of any growth period. Yes, we will pick up new habits from intentional practices. But the work of personality begins with the work of release. Releasing the defenses that have protected us. Releasing what we think we know. Releasing who we think we are. Releasing what we no longer need to make room for something different. Something better.

How can prepare ourselves to fall? And how can we create more benevolent spaces for each other so we can fall safely? Because we are better off when we’re doing this work together. In fact, it’s the only way it can be done.